We negotiate every day whether we realize it or not. Anytime more than two people are involved in a decision, negotiation happens. We make decisions with other people about which restaurant to go to, the cost of a service, and big decisions like salary.

Too often these negotiations are unproductive and result in a compromise. “Splitting the Difference” seems like a good idea on the surface, but leaves both parties unhappy. Chris Voss champions the following three techniques in his award-winning book, “Never Split the Difference: Negotiating As If Your Life Depended On It.”

1. 🪞 Mirroring

Mirror someone by repeating the last few words of their statement. This encourages them to elaborate while also building rapport.

A friend says, “I was late for work today.”

Reply in a curious tone: “Late for work”

They will then begin to tell you exactly why they were late for work and will have no idea you had just repeated exactly what they said. This can be a great tool to uncover more information without asking a direct question. They will also trust you more because you have proven that you were listening to them.

TIP: You can mirror someone multiple times in a row to encourage them to elaborate further. You will feel weird doing it, but trust me, they won’t even notice.

2. 🏷️ Labeling

Applying a label to someone’s emotions shows that you acknowledge their feelings and helps them trust you.

Next time you hear an emotion in someone’s voice: Label it.

If you think that someone is bothered by something, say: “It seems like you are upset.”

They will respond with why they are upset and will appreciate your concern for them. Your label will build trust between you and the other person, and reveal the cause of their emotions.

3. 🧭 Calibrated Questions

These questions are open-ended and are a great way to reveal the motivations and thoughts of the other party. It also prompts them to help you solve your problem.

Examples of open-ended questions:

“How am I supposed to do that?”

“What factors do you consider most important when making this decision?”

“How can we reach a decision that benefits both of us?”

Final Thoughts

What negotiation techniques do you find helpful? I’d love to hear about your experiences.

Enjoy this email: Please tell a friend about it.

Rock on,

Camden